When Tim and I cleared out the storage room at his house in preparation for the demolition that was put off after our parents got sick, we found hundreds of ancient books, some from the eighteenth century. Most were in towering barrister bookcases with ninety years of stuff piled in front of them. Mom had…
One size does not fit all
November 3, 2013
What I am about to write is not an attack on the Catholic Church or my maternal grandparents. My only point is that one size does not fit all. Everyone is different. Temperamentally, my mother was not a good fit with the Catholic Church. She tried to make herself be a good Catholic, but doing…
We’re seeing them for the first time
November 1, 2013
These photos? We’re seeing them for the first time. You and me both. Mom had thousands of images, but we didn’t talk much about them. Mom’s guiding principle with her children was to not “regiment.” This was a reaction to her own upbringing. Unfortunately, Mom felt that telling us things about herself and her family…
All parents die
October 31, 2013
Got an e-mail. What are you so upset about? All parents die. Indeed. All humans die. However, there are different ways of dying. Would you rather die in your sleep at the age of eighty-five, or would you rather be flayed alive at the age of thirty? I’m upset at the manner of my parents’…
Dead son rising
October 29, 2013
I belong to a very small club. A one-man club. Actually, I belong to several: I’m the only person to be screwed by five Web designers in a row when creating one Website; I’m the only person to have had a spontaneous recovery from total hepatic failure; and I’m the only person in the world…
Swimming at last
October 28, 2013
Dave, The Best Therapist in the World, told me that my situation was similar to a person afraid of learning to swim. It wasn’t water that scared me but emotion. Feeling deep emotions was terrifying. I was raised to think that genuine emotions were dangerous. This was a tradition on both sides of the family….
Vergangenheitsbewältigung
October 28, 2013
The Germans are great at coming up with words to describe the complexity of human existence. Schadenfreude. “The humor one feels at another’s misfortune.” Laughing when someone’s pants fall off in public, for example. Backpfeifengesicht. “A face badly in need of a fist.” Someone who’s got the kind of face you just want to smash….
A very hard night
October 26, 2013
It was a very hard night, the worst since Mom died. I listened to people on the radio discuss their experiences with evil spirits, being possessed, having demons make them look like old women, and all manner of meretricious claptrap. The host had that super-earnest quality, like he was trying his damnedest to get across…
Mom rewards my optimism
October 20, 2013
Mom has seen fit to reward my optimism. Yesterday I broke with the pessimists in my life, and by nightfall I was shown that I made the right decision. Those of you who think I’m insane for believing this can go right ahead. I respect your opinion, and I— No I don’t. Cram it. Shove…
Mom was a party girl!
October 19, 2013
In the last two years of her life, Mom told me a lot about herself. A lot. Things that I found truly inconceivable. Since she told me these things in confidence, I won’t repeat them. But Mom was a party girl. Aside from a couple of her girlfriends, I may be the only person who…