I talk a lot about gratitude being the key to how I achieved permanent happiness. What I mean is being grateful for even the smallest dollop of decency, beauty, kindness, love, friendship, fortune, accolade, and any other positivity I’ve left out. In 2000 I drove across the country to meet a young woman with whom…
I’m not evangelical
October 4, 2013
My purpose in writing is to banish my own crap and entertain you. But. Lots of people are in the same boat as me, problems-wise, so it makes sense for me to mention successes that may help fellow sufferers. Currently, there’s a backlash against psychotropic medication. What I hear lots of people say is that…
Reclaiming my past
October 2, 2013
I just found a letter I’d forgotten I wrote. It’s dated September 26, 1996. I never sent it. Here’s part. * * * I’ve been dividing my time between writing, seeing a shrink (my head’s the size of a grapefruit now), and working on my great-aunt’s house next door. It’s a very Wictoresque venture so…
Suicide, euthanasia, or plowing ahead?
October 1, 2013
In Belgium you can ask to be euthanized if you’re mentally ill and want to escape it. A forty-four-year-old woman named Ann G. suffered from anorexia nervosa. Psychiatrist Dr. Walter Vandereycken—an internationally renowned expert on anorexia and a sexologist—treated her. He also had sex with her. After Vandereycken was not punished, another psychiatrist euthanized Ann…
What they’re feeling in Westgate Mall
September 22, 2013
On December 28, 1995, a gunman tried to murder Tim and me at our bookstore in Norwalk, California. He was dressed all in black—including a heavy flak vest and balaclava—and he carried a TEC-9 semiautomatic pistol with a barrel extension. I drew it as part of my banishment of the incident. Tim and I were…
Detox
September 22, 2013
I did it. Through sheer willpower, I’ve broken the last of my really bad habits. This was one of the most corrosive. It’s been several days now, and I’m still clean. The detox worked. After changing so much about myself that I didn’t like, I couldn’t stop going on a particular Website and fighting with…
The Stupidest Dreams Possible
September 20, 2013
Now I’m dreaming that I’m lying in bed, unable to sleep. Easily the stupidest dreams a person could have. Dreams are supposed to restore you. If you’re kept from dreaming, you go crazy. If you dream that you’re not dreaming, is that the same as not dreaming? Am I now dreaming myself to a higher…
Why the Beard?
September 19, 2013
I’ve been asked again why I don’t shave off my beard so I can look younger. Well, looking younger isn’t important to me. I’m fifty-one. It’s okay for me to look fifty-one. Currently, shaving isn’t a priority. I always hated shaving. You women should try scraping your face every day with sharp metal. I was…
My Whole Story
September 19, 2013
There it is. Right there. Everything. My whole story in one image. When I first saw this photo in 1980, I didn’t play the bass, and Kate Bush scared me. Small, dark-haired, big-eyed, provocative, theatrical, musician-weirdo. With a bass. Not my type. So why did I buy the magazine with the photo, take it home,…
Mystery is important
September 18, 2013
The possibility of life after death has been on my mind since I was six years old, when I first understood what death was, and I realized that someday I’d die. There were periods in which I couldn’t bear to think about it because I couldn’t accept either the possibility of eternal life or the…