Thomas Wictor

Archive for the ‘Me’ Category

Lookee here! More threats.

Got this message today. I’ve edited it slightly to conceal the person’s identity. we are both very upset at what you have done, and what you are about to do. you are playing hardball. i’m a lot better at it than you are. there is no free ride. you get back what you put out….

 

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Ceilings want me dead

In my senior year at Lewis and Clark College, in Portland, Oregon—alma mater of Monica Lewinsky!—I moved into the second floor of an apartment complex off campus. A friendly Turk and his Iranian wife were the owners. He told us to call him Bob. Though he spoke perfectly colloquial American English, he had a thick…

 

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Of course you know this means war.

The U.S. Postal Service has stolen another irreplaceable postcard. As my Aussie pal Butters told me, that was a real show stopper. Probably a grenadier of Assault Battalion No. 5 (Rohr). The sleeve badge is remarkable. The card was stolen in New York. This means war. I spent the morning changing all my bills to…

 

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An unexpected un-ghosting

After Mom’s funeral and the reception, I heard car doors slam in the driveway of what I should start calling Tim’s house. Since I wasn’t able to attend the service, I went over to talk with Tim, Paul, and Eric to find out how it went. There was a very expensive imported car parked in…

 

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The Golden State!

If by “golden” you mean “overrun with self-obsessed hogs,” then I agree with you. Tomorrow the garbage is picked up. I have to put out my garbage cans. Every Wednesday night, my neighbor parks his enormous, stygian, rumbling, three-mile-per-gallon, penis-substitute truck exactly in the center of the space between my driveway and Tim’s. This means…

 

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Do your worst

Today I was told of another massive flaw in my Website. It means I was lied to yet again. Corners were cut and I was patted on the head, told, “Yes-yes-yes. Good little Tommy. Bye-bye,” and sent on my way after the final payment was made. That’s okay. My publicists are helping me overcome this…

 

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This old man says thanks but no thanks

Apparently this ad is real. Susie and Nate: Hot to trot…Let’s hope he’s as easy to get as this birth control. My health insurance covers the pill, which means all I have to worry about is getting him between the covers. But how could anyone resist you, Susie? Nate’s already yours. See how he’s playing…

 

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A book with a tattooed cover

I spend a lot time in pharmacies. It’s the wages of rage. I now need several medications to stay alive. Thank God for Big Pharma, I always say. Without it I’d be in the ground. A few days ago, I was in the pharmacy waiting for my prescription to be filled. Sitting beside me was…

 

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The ineffable joy of burning bridges

I’m not burning all my bridges. But I’m burning enough of them to make people upset. This morning I got an e-mail request to be added to the mailing list. When I went to the site to do so, I saw that half of my subscribers have unsubscribed. I think most of them were the…

 

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Accuracy is evil! Shut up!

A plurality of the people interested in military history are terminally unpleasant. I keep having that realization rammed into my block-of-oak head. They believe that accuracy is evil. My latest dust-up with a very unpleasant, truculent military buff was over my statement that a certain book contains many historical inaccuracies. I won’t copy and paste…

 

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