Tim and I are convinced that our cat Syd the Second was a reincarnated Syd, Tim’s original black cat. Like Syd, this new cat had giant fangs, a square muzzle, a patch of white on his chest, and he liked you to sing to him while he ate. The main reason we think Syd the…
Lookee here! More threats.
November 21, 2013
Got this message today. I’ve edited it slightly to conceal the person’s identity. we are both very upset at what you have done, and what you are about to do. you are playing hardball. i’m a lot better at it than you are. there is no free ride. you get back what you put out….
Ceilings want me dead
November 20, 2013
In my senior year at Lewis and Clark College, in Portland, Oregon—alma mater of Monica Lewinsky!—I moved into the second floor of an apartment complex off campus. A friendly Turk and his Iranian wife were the owners. He told us to call him Bob. Though he spoke perfectly colloquial American English, he had a thick…
Of course you know this means war.
November 19, 2013
The U.S. Postal Service has stolen another irreplaceable postcard. As my Aussie pal Butters told me, that was a real show stopper. Probably a grenadier of Assault Battalion No. 5 (Rohr). The sleeve badge is remarkable. The card was stolen in New York. This means war. I spent the morning changing all my bills to…
An unexpected un-ghosting
November 17, 2013
After Mom’s funeral and the reception, I heard car doors slam in the driveway of what I should start calling Tim’s house. Since I wasn’t able to attend the service, I went over to talk with Tim, Paul, and Eric to find out how it went. There was a very expensive imported car parked in…
A note to prospective burglars
November 14, 2013
One of the cute little tricks burglars use is to read obituaries and then hit the house when the owners are attending the funeral and reception. Couple of points I’d like to make. One: I can’t attend Mom’s funeral and reception. I’m going to be home. The Meniere’s is getting worse, either permanently or situationally,…
The armored man
November 9, 2013
One of my favorite films is John Frankenheimer’s Seconds. It’s been called the most depressing movie ever made. I disagree. It’s a cautionary tale. The movie is about a secret company that allows disaffected middle-aged men to fake their deaths and start over. For a fee the company gives the men plastic surgery, sets them…
Mom, I’m really pissed off at you
November 8, 2013
I’m very angry at you for killing yourself, Mom. Sad-angry, not I’ll-smash-your-face angry. So I’m going to do what you always said when you got upset: “I want to write a letter to somebody!” Here’s my letter to you. Dear CeeCee: You died on October 13, 2013, after nine months of refusing to eat. Since…
Should I learn how to be a Mexican?
November 7, 2013
I don’t follow sports at all. Today on the radio I learned that a football player named Richie Incognito was suspended for using racial epithets against his former teammate Jonathan Martin. Here’s where it gets completely deadly for us as a culture, indicating pervasive rot that will bring us down if not excised immediately. Incognito—I…